It's almost winter and I'm freezing (not yet till death, at least.) But right now, it is currently raining outside and the weird thing is, the rain doesn't make it cooler, but it makes it warmer. Usually, around this week, nights here would be around 3-5 degrees Celcius; but tonight, it is differentー12 degrees Celcius. Oh yeah, it is already December.

    I must say 2021 really taught me to not rely on others; to move on your own. When I was in the last semester of my prep school, I did almost all thing along. I remember having a kind of not-so-called "Motivation Day", (at least what they called) where everyone needed to make a group presentation, and yes it was splendid. Some even performed musical theatre, dikir barat, and sort of things like that. So naturally everyone will take pics as memories at the end of the program and that was what they didーtook pictures together with other group members and all, had chit-chats and there was me, all alone. I tried to find anyone who was free that time to like, greet them? To talk about how great the day was? But I couldn't find any. I decided to go back into my room and walk alone, hahaha no worries, I already got used to it.

    Due to Covid-19, as we all know there was a time that we couldn't even go back to our campus around 2020(?) and actually that was the "turning" point when I realized that I almost have nobody to pour things out. I mean like, yes I have this kind of small circle like if I want to share about this thing I'd go to this person, if the other thing, I'd go to another. But it was like seasonal, and also I'm the type of person who easily gives up on another person so I'll just go and walk away. I know it suuuucks, and I admit it. My ego is higher than Mt. Fuji, I had a hard time asking questions to people regarding things I don't understand well in my studies. But still, I made it. I graduated from the prep school; a journey of learning Physics, Chemistry, Maths in Japanese and Japanese Language itself. I did it.

    I think my result was average, not so bad. But it wasn't that good to be accepted into my first-choice university in Japan. Yes, I managed to enroll in my second-choice university, but I think I got scammed. Everyone who's close to me should know that I have been longing into studying Information Technology, which was why I applied for OOOO University as my first choice; because they offered Cyber Security. And it turned out I got rejected and I guess my luck was bad, I needed to change my "field" into Mechanical Engineering. I know, it is hard especially for a girl. The worst case is, I don't even like Physics (but I do enjoy its existence though,....)

    There are 7 students from Malaysia along with me enrolled in this university this year. Haters would say, "Oh, you should be grateful. You'll have so many friends there, you won't be lonely." Sike. All of them ARE BOYS, who I barely talked to even during my prep school. But of course, we're good good, but it is just like, you know, as my ego is higher than Mt. Fuji, so yep, it is hard for me to reach out for them. Oh, and a girl too, but that is another case. She's in another department, though. So I spent the first-semester studying engineering in the Japanese Language at a Japanese University, I struggled a lot to be honest. My mind was in Japan already but my body was yet still in Malaysia. If you're wondering why, it's because until now, Japan has not opened its border for foreigners yet, but since our countries have like that kind of "diplomatic relationship"? we're finally able to enter Japan starting our second semester. Yay, what a relief.

    I'm hanging in there, don't worry. The good things still happen to me even though I barely make Japanese friends here because I only attend online classes. But thanks to the International Centre's Club, I made some but obviously they aren't from my department, barely in the same batch like me, but I'm beyond grateful for that. Most of them are seniors (if we're talking about the year in uni) but they're mostly around my age; 20 and 21. So, I think it'll take some time to fully adapt to the current situationーliving alone in a country you've never been to before, and they're using a language which you just learned a few years ago, lol. Honestly speaking, I feel like a real adult, taking care of my meals by myself, having my own apartment, saving up electricity because I'm afraid I'll be broke to pay the bills, and all. Pray for me, I hope it'll end well.

Thank you for reading, hope you are enjoying your 2021 too :)